


Make you Proud

by Death_as_a_Verb



Series: My Favorite Things I Wrote in School [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Christian Character, Daddy Issues, Family Issues, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21659383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_as_a_Verb/pseuds/Death_as_a_Verb
Summary: Dear Dad,I know we don’t exactly get along all the time, but I have always wanted to make you proud. What I’m going to tell you is going to make you disappointed in me,I know, I used to pay attention in church. I used to cling to the words Pastor Marc preeched. I used to pray everyday, begging God for forgiveness, begging Him to save me from my sin. All I got in response was silence, self-loathing, and sleepless nights.
Series: My Favorite Things I Wrote in School [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561546
Kudos: 3





	Make you Proud

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for English class and I really liked it so I decided to post it on here.

Dear Dad,

I know we don’t exactly get along all the time, but I have always wanted to make you proud. What I’m going to tell you is going to make you disappointed in me,I know, I used to pay attention in church. I used to cling to the words Pastor Marc preeched. I used to pray everyday, begging God for forgiveness, begging Him to save me from my sin. All I got in response was silence, self-loathing, and sleepless nights. 

I am queer.

I like girls. I like how they look, how they talk and act. I can’t help it. I wish could, the amount of hours I spent pleading with God is immeasurable. After years of this I could help but wonder, what kind of God send people to eternal damnation for loving someone?

I told my therapist about it and she told me “We live in a world where boys can kiss boy and girls kiss girls and it’s okay.”

I wish I could tell you that I don’t care what you think because this is just who I am. But I can’t. You’re my dad, I want you to be proud of me, I’ll never stop wanting that. I can’t help it. I love you. 

I’m scared. So scared. I don’t want to see the shame and disappointment in your face. That’s why I’m not actually telling you this. You’ll never see this. 

In 5 or 10 years when I’m getting ready to get married to my future wife, there’s a chance you won’t be there. That breaks my heart; I want you there. 

I know your side of the family will stop inviting me to birthdays and other events like that. I find comfort in the fact that grandma Lopez will still invite me to Christmas. But I know when I’m there aunt Amy and uncle Dave will try and keep me away from Ava and Olivia because they don’t want me influencing them. They don’t even let them watch “Andi Mack” on Disney Channel. 

Aunt Trisha and uncle Joel will just cut off communication altogether. I won’t be too torn up about that, it's not like they go out of their way to visit us. That’s just what you get for being related to a bunch of rednecks I guess. 

Mom’s side of the family will just silently judge me and talk about me behind my back. White people, am I right? 

Going to church has been slowly destroying my mental health. The one time I asked you if I could stay home you yelled at me. 

I understand your beliefs, and believing your daughter is going to spend all of eternity in Hell knowing you could’ve done something (or the church makes you think you could have done something) is a scary thing. But, I’ve decided that if I’m going to Hell, might as well make it for being with the person I love. 

I love you, dad, so much.

Your daughter

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please give feedback! (I didn’t actually show this to my dad, I’m to scared)


End file.
